#15 - Get Stupid Lost

The night markets in Kuala Lumpur are dizzying. I’ve seen hectic markets before and I’m getting used to the noise, clamor, and crowds of Asian markets, but this was unreal.

I was two-inches too tall for most of the tarps strung across the alleyways and streets, so I dodged, dove, dipped, ducked, and...dodged thin strips of cords and awnings. It kept me on my toes and made me feel like a giant burrowing into a plastic sea of bargains. Also, turns out whacking my head into the overhang or the bar supporting the tarp is a great way to start haggling. They'd laugh, I'd smile, pick something up, and ask how much. It got things off to a positive start.

The getting lost part was weird though. I have good spatial awareness – you develop it when you wander around new cities all the time – so I thought I knew where I was. I even popped into a little diner for some noodles and had a read. After that I browsed some more, deeper and deeper into the maze, expecting the whole time to reach a major street or thoroughfare and get out. It didn’t happen. I hit major arteries of traffic, but they were part of the market too. EVERYTHING was part of the market. Seriously. I don't have more photos because I was starting to panic.

What do you do when you're lost in Malaysia? You slam a red bull, pick a direction and blast on. An hour later I was STILL in the market, but I was buzzing on taurine. Somehow I’d stumbled on that part of Zelda (the first one on Nintendo) where you wander in the forest forever. I literally couldn’t get out. Screw finding which way my hostel was; I was just trying to get to something that WASN’T the market.

Time passed. I kept shuffling along at browsing pace with everyone else, slowly picturing my new life in the market. How much was the rent? Could I get a job selling bedazzled jeans? What was that smell?

It was only when I completely gave up trying to get out that I found my way. What saved me was a dilapidated house I’d taken a picture of earlier. I love that house. I’m gonna move there.